Eulogy for YVONNE CURRIER CLIFTON
April 10, 2010
by Kathleen Bryce Niles
There is an expectation that the people charged with keeping us safe and protected will do just that … keep us safe and protect us. This doesn’t happen for all of us, just for most of us. Sadly, it did not happen for Yvonne.
Quite honestly, few of us ever believed that our Yvonne would make it past 60 … hers was a life fraught with challenges of both a psychological & physical nature. She was born into a very difficult lineage and made some choices because of it that propelled her into a most dangerous and traumatic life.
Once I said to Yvonne … why is it that hurt found you at virtually every turn. She replied immediately that with a very brief exchange, those who do choose to inflict pain on children and adults can tell if you are vulnerable. She was vulnerable.
For most of her life, Yvonne would have given anything to be out of it. Thank God that because of Peg Flanders and Jerry Clausen she was able to maintain a sufficient level of equilibrium to get to her last decade. By then, she had outlived those who elected to make her life so arduous.
By then, she was able to enjoy her children: Cheryl & Kim, her g’children and even a couple of great grands … none of whom, because of Y’s vigilance & love, had to endure lives of perpetual disruption and emotional chaos.
By then, she had found two docs who were able to hear her and treat her as the brilliant and loving individual that she was. It is rare for a person or a family to acknowledge doctors as friends in an obituary. But this family felt it very important that Ys friends, Dr. Forbes & Dr. Clausen be noted as survivors. They were much more than physicians to Yvonne. They were the key to her having a sense of security and stability that allowed her to know real joy in living at long last.
Years ago, when our friend Jenny MacPherson said that she was leaving money to Y in her will, I said, “Are you kidding? There is no way that Y will outlive you. You need an administrative assistant. Put Y on your payroll.”
From there on out, Y showed up for work at Jen’s house each week day morning. As long as she was physically able, she did laundry, watered plants, shopped, dusted, and took care of the sundry day to day things that Jen needed done. It was a great deal for both of them & proof that the angels speak even thru the least of us…that being me.
When Y could no longer do those things, God love Jen, who kept her on as companion and consultant and lunch partner. It was a wonderful arrangement for both of them.
After meeting Y, Dr. Clausen made certain that Y met Peg Flanders. That was a friendship that endured for over a quarter of a century … as did Y’s with Jen, Shari, Priscilla, Joanie, and me as well as others who were part and parcel of the Comstock Writers’ Group. However, it truly was Peg who gave Y the power to realize her own value to others and to herself. Y would tell you that Peg was the very best friend that anyone could ever have. And, she had her.
YC was, without a doubt, a hub around which we all gathered … often the voice of reason and good sense. She could bring Jen down from high C, put Peg right when she was off on a tangent, and teach me that being judgmental was not in anyone’s best interest.
She did something vital for each person in her life…something that no one else seemed able to do. I know that my mother thought of Y as her best friend. I know that Jenny Mac thought of Y as her best friend. I know that Peggy thought of Y as her best friend. And, there is a long list of others who thought the same.
God gave Y no more than she could handle but much of the package really sucked … I do hope that God has made the necessity of all that known to Y and that she has, in her grace and wisdom, told God that somehow it made that wonderful last decade of being in control of her life in ways she never could have imagined worth all the rest. And, that all the trials and tribulations that she endured were very much compensated for by having had the friendships that she made…and that somehow it was a pleasure to have been God’s messenger to so many in saying that no matter what life brings, it is in the living that we come to know the value of each other and the worth of ourselves.
By the time Y said, “Enough” … she had experienced a peace and a calm that we only dream of…We are all better for her having been in our lives and we have to trust that she was better for having each of us in her life.
We shall miss our friend … but not so much as if she had never come our way.