As I read aloud the First Lesson on Sunday from Leviticus … the one where God lays down commandments, it was impossible not to reflect on our upbringing as members of the Dodge Family. It was the “turn the other cheek” stuff that we were NEVER taught.
It began with Grandpa and was drilled into the original nine to be passed on to my generation by our parent. There are four generations after mine and I wonder if it is now in the genetic code. Any sign of weakness, any hint that we would not stand up for ourselves and each other was met with what we knew would be a “swift kick” somewhere. As I delivered the eulogy for Uncle Harry and 25+ years later for Little Harry, this tenet was a piece of the whole. We knew that we could pretty much say and do what we needed to stay strong among the siblings & 33 cousins but only God could interfere if someone outside threatened to hurt one of us … physically or mentally. If I ever let harm come to Harry, Donnie or Sue then my mother would have come down on me like thunder … and no matter how big a pain I might have been (and I was) the Gordons, Barbara, Roberta, David & Judy, were charged with my safety. While none of us was safe from the other, we knew our jobs within the family unit. Most of us learned how to deflect others, to show something that said, “Be careful of this one …” even if there was no need. This was a basic survival skill to ward off the necessity of having to take more uncomfortable measures. The thing was that besides our own Dodge parent we were dealt with by an aunt and seven uncles when deviating from the Rule of Dodge. There was no real escape. We knew we were loved but there were behavior parameters.
Oddly, in-laws were not part of all of this. Married into the family for decades made no difference. To this day, Aunt Rose & Aunt Dorothy (both 90 this year) will tell you that when it came to “family business” that they might as well have been up street neighbours as members of the family. I know that this thinking is not quite right but I was just short of 60 when my mother passed … and I was in my 50’s and she 75 the day she took hold of my arm and put me to the ground laughing and saying, “I brought you into this world and I will take you out.” While she was kidding, something within me knew that, if necessary, that threat could swiftly become a promise.